What if ...

Song - Chipmunk - Flying High

Just had some family friends around today that we haven't seen in time. Was great love it when bonds can renewed and strengthened. The greatest of friends are those you can see once in a decade and know that the bind has not faded ...

Anywho that's a different thought, today brought back some memories that I've not thought about in time. I remember a friend once wanted to leave home and said he couldn't because of what his parent had said to him when he tried, I never really got it at the time but totally got it at a much later date. He finally left once all his ties to parents had been repaired and some encouragement.

But our relationships with people affect each and every decision we make. Be this the action to buy something to make someone happy or yourself. Acnd each decision made, made a what if circumstance occur, this then increases exponentially until we can just spend a lifetime pondering but getting nowhere with.

So do we ponder on these what if moments, do they provide us the drive to dream and aspire to greater heights, some humour to look back on, regret for what could have been or maybe wonder endlessly at what could have been.

I dunno I still wonder on this, no answers do I provide, just a fellow student in the lesson of life ...

Contraditions ...

Song - Within Temptation - Where is the Edge

I was thinking about people and how we live a fine line between the good, bad and how we justify them in our minds. How we can love and hate in the same breath and how complex we truly are.

Would people agree with the death sentence, for a heinous enough crime sure. But we do not live in an ideal world (if we did would crime even exist) and so we condemn men we may or may not believe to be guilty of a crime. And then the varying lengths of the varying sentences given and so the law seems unbalanced.

And how do people fill the void created within their hearts, at the point in time, is this where everything cones from, the void from which they try and fulfill by various means bee they temporary, like a small pleasure of some material expenditure or long term. Who has ever truly found which method finds the long lasting answer. Or maybe it's not a matter of trying to find the answer by stumbling through the brambles placed in our paths placing no heed at what we encounter and destroying it completely but to cherish the branches and know which ones to remove in order to beautify the rest of the way ahead.

Change ...

Song - Azaad - Kitna Hasseen Hai Mausaum

Okay well for those who know me I left my job today, not meaning I walked out cos I hated the place but because I'm moving to new pastures, I had spent a lil bit of time at this place and met some fantastic people, friends I'm sure i'll keep for life. For which any number of bad days make up for. I didn't get another iron like last time, I got an ice lolly, totally made my day!
Every gift did touch my heart and I'm truly grateful that I knew people like that. And so I became sad to leave the place where there are so many folk who make such a dynamic group and are great to be around.

Then I thought of myself becoming comfortable in a role just because the people are great, in selfish terms you may stay because they are such lovely folk, or you may leave in order for you to progress. Perhaps progression can come at the price of seeming to leave others behind, but you are as strong as your weakest link and thus you must strengthen yourself in order to help strengthen that link, so that the ties of friendship help both parties out. So that we develop as individuals in order to help society with the new skills acquired.

And you truly see the binds that make people in true form, be it that they don't give you a parting smile as they believe the influence in either person's life has ended, a hug forced upon you because it's customary, a handshake or high-five to show the years past ... a parting word because although the bond wasn't strong however a characteristic was seen.

Or perhaps I'm judging again, like when I got told I'm homophobic which was lols, I don't even have that weird gaydar detector let alone make judgement calls on other people''s life choices, sure I might feel differently if my other half went and said "btw I like guys" but would I react differently to him saying "btw I like another girl"

However that was just a lol point. Back to change it can be good, it can be bad, it's what we make it to be, the wheels may turn but it's our choice where we steer the vessel of our existence. The decision can be guided by the advice of others or the experience of your own past decisions, but the waters will never be as predictable as one would wish them ...

Rant over I need food!

Years Overdue

Song of the day: Jennifer Lopez – What is Love

I remember the first time I got told to blog, back in sixth form, all because of the way I behaved, well like me (hyper apparently). Although another reason was because I was told I had a lot of anger, which I was like o_O, maybe I dunno. Know thyself is a great thing but I’ve never truly known so ... (I’ll just leave it all unsaid). However I think with enough sugar people can be like either emotion as well or maybe I’m just Bipolar.

I also thought of a few things people said to me recently. Some which include: me being a harsh critic of myself, me being able to cheer up someone just by speaking to them and me being hard to read as I’m always jolly which means no one knows if it’s fake or not.

Is my view on the world that different or is it because I just isolate myself and some haven’t formed the same barriers as others when it comes to what I do think or say to folk.

Is it wrong to be jolly because despite everything happening in life, negative thoughts create a negative cycle which impacts everyone around you and did I seriously want everyone in my vicinity to know about what my personal life entails, there’s a reason we have close friends. Although perhaps some folk don’t realise how I operate and so maybe I’m judged, actually this is probably the most true seeing as who isn’t. I like to live in some illusion that I don’t judge others but I’m sure I do, I probably do look at someone’s age, race, gender, etc and make up a few assumptions about them. Maybe this means I missed out on making a friend or maybe I avoided a certain disaster. On the same note does this mean I have any right to say anything about folk in regards to those people I've judged. If it’s a good thing sure it’ll help spread the good cheer, but if it’s bad do I look at the intentions behind it, i.e. who’s asking, do they want to hire, confide, etc in the person.

And then I get told I’m deep, whereas I think I’m not, I’m probably quite shallow I might have just had longer or think in a different way, and so I haven’t thought that hard about it to get to my conclusion, whereas they might have to journey across several crossroads and roundabouts to get to the same place, would that make me deep?

Say at work I choose not to talk to folk I don’t like at all, or avoid as much as possible. People that are completely false really do my head in. They seem to know that I don’t spread rumours and so they say whatever in front of me expecting some sort of agreement, seriously? If you’re able to articulate such hateful thoughts about others in front of someone you don’t know well, what must you say about me ... however sometimes they don’t get it, and unless I say something most folk surrounding us don’t even know that I hold contempt for this person. Should I question whether this is good, I’d rather say it was a lesser evil, my mission is not to name and shame folk (else I’d be first in line to be shamed), it’s to do my job to the best of my ability and co-operate with my fellow workers. There’s a reason I have friends, they are just that friends. And those are the folk I place my trust and my secrets and thoughts with. I once even questioned someone about this weird thing about saying hateful things about people without them being present to defend themselves, as well as getting a dirty look, he (yes he even guys are prone to gossip like stereotypical females) told me that it was part of office life and that that’s the way to get places. I was gobsmacked, I think it was safe to assume he meant this is the way that networking works, but if everyone follows this fashion surely that means that society will never change (imagery in my head of 4 monkeys, a ladder, bananas and some cruel scientists)

It’s been years since I’ve appeared to care, having spent some time with various folk, I find most act like sheep in order to be accepted into the fold, should this be hated though, some just wish to provide for those they are responsible for and so get caught in the cycle of amassing more and more wealth which then gets spent trying to protect this wealth, rather than focusing on the fact that this world is borrowed from the next generation and must not be treated like dirt but respected. Although I’m also at fault as I don’t stop using my car, or the computer (even this blog I’m sure is not great for the environment).

Meh that’s my rant for today, I’ll rant about whatever thoughts I have at the time I next rant, if that made sense ...

Of I go to make roti, well attempt to make them ^_^