Years Overdue

Song of the day: Jennifer Lopez – What is Love

I remember the first time I got told to blog, back in sixth form, all because of the way I behaved, well like me (hyper apparently). Although another reason was because I was told I had a lot of anger, which I was like o_O, maybe I dunno. Know thyself is a great thing but I’ve never truly known so ... (I’ll just leave it all unsaid). However I think with enough sugar people can be like either emotion as well or maybe I’m just Bipolar.

I also thought of a few things people said to me recently. Some which include: me being a harsh critic of myself, me being able to cheer up someone just by speaking to them and me being hard to read as I’m always jolly which means no one knows if it’s fake or not.

Is my view on the world that different or is it because I just isolate myself and some haven’t formed the same barriers as others when it comes to what I do think or say to folk.

Is it wrong to be jolly because despite everything happening in life, negative thoughts create a negative cycle which impacts everyone around you and did I seriously want everyone in my vicinity to know about what my personal life entails, there’s a reason we have close friends. Although perhaps some folk don’t realise how I operate and so maybe I’m judged, actually this is probably the most true seeing as who isn’t. I like to live in some illusion that I don’t judge others but I’m sure I do, I probably do look at someone’s age, race, gender, etc and make up a few assumptions about them. Maybe this means I missed out on making a friend or maybe I avoided a certain disaster. On the same note does this mean I have any right to say anything about folk in regards to those people I've judged. If it’s a good thing sure it’ll help spread the good cheer, but if it’s bad do I look at the intentions behind it, i.e. who’s asking, do they want to hire, confide, etc in the person.

And then I get told I’m deep, whereas I think I’m not, I’m probably quite shallow I might have just had longer or think in a different way, and so I haven’t thought that hard about it to get to my conclusion, whereas they might have to journey across several crossroads and roundabouts to get to the same place, would that make me deep?

Say at work I choose not to talk to folk I don’t like at all, or avoid as much as possible. People that are completely false really do my head in. They seem to know that I don’t spread rumours and so they say whatever in front of me expecting some sort of agreement, seriously? If you’re able to articulate such hateful thoughts about others in front of someone you don’t know well, what must you say about me ... however sometimes they don’t get it, and unless I say something most folk surrounding us don’t even know that I hold contempt for this person. Should I question whether this is good, I’d rather say it was a lesser evil, my mission is not to name and shame folk (else I’d be first in line to be shamed), it’s to do my job to the best of my ability and co-operate with my fellow workers. There’s a reason I have friends, they are just that friends. And those are the folk I place my trust and my secrets and thoughts with. I once even questioned someone about this weird thing about saying hateful things about people without them being present to defend themselves, as well as getting a dirty look, he (yes he even guys are prone to gossip like stereotypical females) told me that it was part of office life and that that’s the way to get places. I was gobsmacked, I think it was safe to assume he meant this is the way that networking works, but if everyone follows this fashion surely that means that society will never change (imagery in my head of 4 monkeys, a ladder, bananas and some cruel scientists)

It’s been years since I’ve appeared to care, having spent some time with various folk, I find most act like sheep in order to be accepted into the fold, should this be hated though, some just wish to provide for those they are responsible for and so get caught in the cycle of amassing more and more wealth which then gets spent trying to protect this wealth, rather than focusing on the fact that this world is borrowed from the next generation and must not be treated like dirt but respected. Although I’m also at fault as I don’t stop using my car, or the computer (even this blog I’m sure is not great for the environment).

Meh that’s my rant for today, I’ll rant about whatever thoughts I have at the time I next rant, if that made sense ...

Of I go to make roti, well attempt to make them ^_^