I bruise easily

Nouman Khalid - Desi Thumka

Hmm, okay well another recent thought I've been having, well not really it's been in the back of my mind because I half forgot, but anyway had a bookshelf fall on me (yes I'm fine hence why I'm able to write/type this) and thought.

I told a person I black out whenever I've been in a fight, and then I got asked have I ever been beaten (bar my mum doing this as a child even if some folk think this would be beats enough). I honestly thought no so I said no, then realised wait I have, and then thought I may black out, but this is usually when I retaliate and so then I can't fight so no idea what happens, but my nan thought I was possessed so might have acted like a berserker, but it's been a long time since this has happened an I grew up and discovered that the laws of the jungle are left in childhood.

Adults fight in a meaner world where words are weapons, even if they forget what they said these are ingrained into our minds and in part help shape us, regardless of whether we like the folk who use these words we'll remember some words more then others.

One reason why I never chased a management role and why I shy away from kids, although only 1 person figured this out ever, and sometimes I think he only learnt to read me because when he changed I changed towards him, sad it might be but our friends represent parts of ourselves and if you don't wish to have that part that detach from it and improve yourself (that's what I did perhaps I'm not strong enough to hold on and change us both). Risk, that's the key, am I willing to risk it in order help elevate the standards or do I play it safe in order to not have to worry about a wrong that I may/may-not cause.

Some folk are quick to agree that those that smile most are the ones who have hurt most, however these same folk fail to look around them and consider that it is their parent/sibling/friend who is the one who smiles most ... some folk don't realise that in the ability to show predictable behaviour they forget to look deeper and realise it's not so black & white. Decisions which may seem rash have come from years of experience teaching and thinking about the situation  But we're all judgemental twits so what do we know. When we look to teh future we imagine what our own future holds, for us and our descendants rather then humanity. And when we consider a wrong we determine whether it is a wrong to us or an institution that we have no care for. Forgetting to realise that in allowing this injustice which they may perceive to not be concerning them they have isolated themselves and when they become affected the same treatment will happen to them that they gave others ...

Oh well, end of another selfish rant ...